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Say what you want about Kim and Kanye naming their daughter North West. That kid is headed straight to the top. And slightly to the left.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
Being single is the worst sh!t ever. Being in a relationship is a close second.