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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
Where is the button to restart summer?