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Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I`d probably choke it.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.