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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
Making a woman laugh is one of the keys to winning her heart, unless she’s laughing at your junk.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
My favorite beer is the next one.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.