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Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
I like dating chicks with kids, because fruity snacks
I didn’t scream out someone else’s name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant…
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.