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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
Smile, it´s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.