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You never really know how many inches you`re gonna get or how long it`ll last. Snow, maybe.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
I`m not sure how to say this but ... Worcestershire sauce
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
When someone says "Surprise me", I quickly drop my pants.
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.