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I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".
My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.