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You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.