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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.