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Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
2 words, 1 finger.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
thinking men should come with a carfax....
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.