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The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I’d pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, “Keep the change you filthy animal.”
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can’t pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
Last night we were in bed and I asked my wife "What would you like to do to my body more than anything else?" She said "Identify it."
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.