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Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild