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I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She`s had a headache for the past 15 years.
Shouldn`t old people drive faster than everyone else since they have less time left to waste?