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I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
I said "sad face emoji" instead of actually frowning today if you want to know how out of touch with reality I am.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."