Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I put mirrors on the ceiling because I like to see how I look when I`m eating pizza alone.
You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.