Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Detective: “The victim musta had company. There’s 2 dirty plates in the sink.” If I ever get murdered they’ll think I had 16 people over.
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you`re having a velociraptor.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.