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Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
word of the day: nincomtard
Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!