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2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
I`ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?