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You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.