Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers