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If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
It`s all fun and games until the cops show up.
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
Nobody pissed me off today... I got to get out more.
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."