Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, Knock over a lamp, and kill a cat.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver