Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Put that down you fat piece of sh!t` - the title of the dieting book I`m writing.
I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I`ll sign up to be his coach. It`s important that he knows that I`ll swear at other kids too.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
Feeling pretty good about myself today so I`m going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal
when in Rome get naked ;)
Bad decisions make good stories.