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I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I`m checking Facebook and not taking pictures.
People who think Iām not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.