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I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
My Status updates are so great people hit the like button twice
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.