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My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
Let me be honest, I dont even walk a mile in my own shoes.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...