Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.
I often worry about the safety of my children, especially the one that is rolling their eyes at me & talking back right now.