Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes, I drink a glass of water, just to surprise my liver!
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision.