Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.