Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
Soup of the day: Tequila.
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.