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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.