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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.
I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn`t make the cut.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.