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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.