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Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
I’m bored enough to clean.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.