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I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
You know your a$s is ugly when you`re the one always asked to take the photo.
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.