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WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
My mom says I`m special.
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.