Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
Reincarnation is my only hope.