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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.