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Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
My pants are 75% off.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.