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I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
It needs more cowbell!!
My memory foam has amnesia
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/