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Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them…
I used to be so broke when homeless people saw me coming by they would hide their change cups.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.