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I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....
I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.