Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
I am hungry 25 hours a day
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.