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liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!