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I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
I fake my lol`s