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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is “My God how does he drink his beer??”, You might be an alcoholic.