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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
Haters gonna hate, your honor
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?