Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
I`ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time
Our swear jar is always empty because of all the god damn foul mouthed thieves that live in this f*cking house.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D