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Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
I fold down my laptop screen very slowly at night so I don`t squish you guys.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.