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Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you`re fighting with your brother.
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.