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If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.