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I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control