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If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.