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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
Life`s tough. It`s tougher if you`re stupid...
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
Will someone please tell ugly girls with small boobs that their opioion doesnt really matter.