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Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
Hello...
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married