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“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.