Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
One day I hope to understand the phrase "more money, more problems"
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
Just made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips ... I think I need to kill him now.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.