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I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
Netflix is soo much better than going out and pretending to like people.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.