Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
I want to sleep tighter
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.