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I`m sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.