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I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?